Hello everyone... Well, I say everyone because I don't really know who's there:P To be honest, it has been a while since I wanted to create this blog writing down my life story, but I haven't told anyone I know, that I'm doing it. Why??? I think that probably because I feel more free to write what ever I want with out thinking "What would my friends or family think if they read this?" I mean, you know what I mean... They are always part of our life so if I want to write about my life, I'll have to write about them too. And I really want to feel free to write what I think about them and the moments with them, without worrying about what they think I think:P Ok! Quite confusing... I know! But it makes sense, trust me!
Next topic... Why am I sharing my life story with people I don't even know? Well... Once I spoken with a friend (you'll know who forward) and she told me "you should write down your story and publish it. I said "I have a problem... I don't like writing! And I have another problem... Unhappily, usually I never finish what I start! So I decided to create a blog because like that if someone, anywhere around the world, would find my story interesting and worth it to keep reading, they would encourage me to continue the story when I feel like giving up! Well... Probably nobody would even read this... Or who knows a lot of people will and would actually enjoy it! The truth is, my friend said that months ago and I never forgot it! I don't know why, but I felt I wanted this challenge for myself!
So, now, after explaining this sudden appearance, I will introduce myself. :)
My name is Jaky... Well, of course that's my nickname, but I'm so accustomed to it that I actually forget it's not my real name... And I also have another issue about it... I don't really like my name! 24 years with it and I never learned to appreciate it! But that's not a bad thing, right? Please tell me it's not, because my mum makes me feel terrible each time I say it!!! Well... The real name is Jaqueline! Ok, I said it! But as I said before, I want to be truly honest writing all of this! So I'll have to assume my qualities and defaults! And that's a default, not appreciating the name our parents gave us with so much love :/ . Well, I'll keep on going with the presentation! I live in Portugal, but I was born at South Africa. Here we speak Portuguese but my first language until I was 6 was English. Though I feel more comfortable writing Portuguese, because that's the language I learned to develop, I'll write the whole story in English. That's part of the challenge! We all know that the computer has a system that corrects our language mistakes, so I'm sure the words will be right spelled, I just don't know if the sentence will be written correctly. So if there's anything wrong, I'm sorry about that, but that's why:P So I'll write in English, because probably there will be more English people reading this then Portuguese... Because the English is a language that almost whole world can understand and not Portuguese. And I would also love to practice my English and I think this is a good way!!! :)
So, now that I introduced myself, I can start writing my life story since I was born. Well, the things I remember and the things people tell me about when I was too small to remember. I'm sure I won't be able to write everyday, but I will always try to write a little bit of the continuation during the days. Yeah, because I have 24 years to catch up, and believe me, it's not short. That's why my life could never be a movie... It's to big to fit in one! :P But I really hope I can help someone or give anything... something with my story.
THE BEGINNING:
It was the 3rd of June, 1986 when I was born at Johannesburg, South Africa. My mother had just turned 21 and my father was 27. They weren't rich people, but they were a young couple starting a life together and turned out to do well. My father met her when she was 15. She came to Portugal for a holiday and they met a few days before she left back. It seems like he felt in love with her, so they started to write each other. During four years they communicated by letter... They started to date by letters, he asked her to marry by letter and so he left Portugal to marry her at South Africa, four years after they met. They married at 1984, my brother was born at 1985 and one year after, I was born. Mum says they were so in love that they didn't mind not having loads of stuff for the baby's. They just wanted to enjoy all the moments with them. She tells that my brother was such a beautiful baby... That she was quite shocked when she saw me the first time! That's something you'll learn during this story... How honest she is as a mother! She says that I was to tiny, I was dark and that I had so much dark hairs... even on my back! Of course I don't have them anymore! Well, I must confess that when I see my baby photos... I have to agree with her! My brother Eurico was beautiful and I was... ok! You got the idea! :P People that know me since then usually say that I was an adorable baby and kid, but I never stop stilled! I was always talking and talking and talking... And I was always trying to do something. I couldn't enjoy a quiet and still moment. I know I shouldn't talk this way about me, but watching the photos, I became a very pretty and cute child. Well, not my hair. My hair was short, and because it was so curly it grew up!!! Do you know Bart Simpsons mother? Ok! That way! Of course it wasn't so high but... It was a type of hair you use only when you're over 70 years old!!! To be honest, I never enjoyed a lot the style and taste my mother had for us, but it's not like I'm traumatized by it. Even today she has a totally different style from me, but we learn to respect that :).
But I do remember somethings from my childhood. Like climbing the roof of my house! I believe exactly how I use to do it and I'm sure I wasn't more then five years old!!! My brother had some gratings on his bedroom window. Just next to that there was a low roof just above the kitchen entrance. So I climbed the gratings, then I would stand on top of the low roof and finally reach the major roof! I remember looking down and seeing my dad walking around the garage will he was fixing the cars (he's profession was car mechanic). I also remember leaning my ear to the roof and trying to hear in witch place of the house my mother was. I'm sure my dad knew I habitually did that, though he never told me. But I have that feeling. My mother didn't know for sure! She would never allow that! The point here is that my mother is the one that had the rules for us and my dad is the type of father that pretends not to see some things we do, cause like that he doesn't have to call our attention. And also because he thinks that we have to learn by our mistakes. Well, I never really understood the right meaning for him to do that, but that's the way he is! Mum always said we have to have rules along our life. I also remember climbing the tv while I was watching Alice in Wonderland (the Disney version) and looking to the little holes from where the sound comes out and screaming "Alice, Alice! Can you hear me!!!" I remember doing that but I don't know how old I was! Stupid, I know, but I'm sure loads of kids do it...! I hope!
I also remember going to the supermarket with my mother and when we went back to the parking, the car wasn't there! I don't remember if it was stolen or if was towed, but I remember feeling very bad for my mum. I was so sad that was happening to her.
I remember sleeping at my cousins house. I slept with her in her bed and I remember I peed during the night... I was so embarrassed that I didn't get up when I woke up!!! I don't know how old I was but... I still have the image of my aunt looking in the room to see if I was awake while I was pretending to sleep. I don't remember if I was trying to find a way to tell her or if I was waiting to dry everything with the body heat... I don't know, but what I know is that she woke me up and I remember feeling so nervous when she was doing the bed that I couldn't say a word... But I don't know how... She didn't notice! Well... If she did, she pretended she didn't!
When I was 3 years old my mum had another baby. My youngest sister, Yolanda. The only thing I remember from that are some words my mother and I said to each other a morning she got up... I remember leaning my ear on her huge stomig and saying "Does the baby understand what we say and can it hear us?" and my mum said "Yes, if you talk to her she knows your voice". Oh! And I also remember walking down a hall with my dad and my brother and entering a hospital room to see my mother and my sister when she was born. But I don't really remember seeing my sister that day...!
I remember we had a black woman taking care of us at home when my mum and dad were out... And I remember setting on the dinning-room flour while she was making me eat the rest of my food that I didn't want to eat. It was rice... I was crying and do you believe I still remember the taste of the tears mixed with the rice? It's amazing the things we can keep and remember! I really do remember that feeling... That taste... I was crying because each time I closed my mouth saying "I don't want more" she beat my leg with a wood spoon. But that same night, when my mum was bathing my brother and I, she saw a red mark on my leg and called her... I don't remember how the black woman looked like... But mum called her and said "What's this on Jakys leg?" and she said "I don't know madame, she's always jumping and falling outside, so maybe thats a mark she has from falling!" I didn't talk... Mum looked at me very serious and upset because she just new that something was wrong there, but I just didn't talk. I think she told the woman to leave our house, and told me not to mention any of that with dad because he would do something bad to her... But I'm not sure about that... Now that I'm writing and thinking about this, I have to remember to ask my mum if that really happened... If she sent her away!
I also remember when I went to school, I mean, day-care center, I was 5 years old and I broke my arm. I was playing at school and I felt from the swing... I can't remember the pain, but I do remember grabbing my arm and screaming and crying... I don't remember who help me but I do remember being in a school room and then my older brother came in. They went to call him so like that I wouldn't feel so unsafe. I also don't remember going to the hospital, but I remember sitting at the waiting room with my mum and she said "I'm going to buy you a teddy... Do you prefer a teddy or a doll?" And I chose the doll :) I also remember waking up with my arm plastered and being so happy with the doll.
Talking about dolls... The Christmas that I was four years old, I remember shopping with my mother and seeing a beautiful giant Barbie! She had a wedding dress on and she was lovely! I wanted it so much, but mum said "No, you have a lot already!". Then, another day, she went to fetch my brother and I at school and she had a lot of shopping packages at the backseat... She said "Nobody observes what's in the packages because there are things for Christmas there..." And guess what??? Ok, I am going to confess!!! I remember sneaking the packages and seeing the giant Barbie!!! I just new it was for me! I was so happy that day!
From school I also remember being in the class when I was five... My colleagues and I were setting around making a circle on the flour... It was so noisy. The teacher, as I can remember, had a long curly hair, was quite fat and had a very long skirt. She shouted "I don't want anymore noise! The next one that opens the mouth will be in trouble!" So one of my colleague that was facing me, but was setting backwards to the teacher, so she couldn't see him in front, started to open and close his mouth without doing any sound... And I though that was funny so I did the same! Everyone started to laugh and she saw me! So she came straight to me, grabbed me by my arm and hit me on my bum while she said "Don't you dare tease me again!!!" I remember sitting on the flour again and trying to contain myself to not cry... Then when my mum went to fetch me, one of my friends said "aren't you going to tell your mum what happened? The teacher cannot hit you, you know?" And I remember saying "I'm not telling her because I don't want to". But to be honest, I don't remember why I didn't tell my mum...
At South Africa there was a place called "Warm Baths". It was a huge aquatic park with so many slides... And it had that name because the pools were all with hot water! It was great! But quite far from my house, so I remember we always had to drive a lot to get there. So we went to spend a day there with some family and friends and my mother and I climbed a lot of steps to reach the top of one of the slides. I was so exited and wanted so much to go!!! But when I got up there, and looked down... I remember thinking "I don't wanna go!" I said that to mum and she said "now that you made me come all this way up, you are coming with me because I'm not going down all these steps! I cried so much and shouted so laud saying "No No No!!!!" But when our turn came, she just sited me in the middle of her legs and made me go down with her! I don't remember if I enjoyed it or not... I had try to remember, but just can't.
I still remember another thing that happened at South Africa and this one I think a lot about it... My brother was making a scene at the backseat of the car while mum was driving and she looked back and said "Eurico if you don't stop that scene, I will stop the car, drop you off and leave!". He thought she was just overdoing it and that she would never have the courage to do that... And I thought just the same! But the truth is, she stopped the car, pulled him out and while he started to cry and beg her to stay and scream "No mummy, please don't leave me! I'm sorry!" she just started to drive away... I remember so well the image of him crying running after the car while we were moving away and getting far from him... I started to cry when I felt he was so far and he couldn't manage to reach the car and I said "Mum, stop! Please, he said he was sorry!". So she stopped and marched back there to grab him. And guess what? He didn't keep on with the scene:P!
There's another one I remember in the car... My brother and I was swearing and calling names to each other, and mum looked backed and said "the next time you say a ugly word, when we get home I'll put pepper powder in your mouths!!!!" I don't remember what we called each other again, but I remember when we got home we both had to eat a spoon of pepper powder! God, I still remember the breath that stayed in my mouth! Maybe thats why I still don't swear!!! Even I'm 24! Now that I'm writing this, I think I just got the answer why I don't swear at all :P !
Well... These are the things I remember more from my childhood while I was at South Africa. I left my country when I was six years old. We all came to Portugal (January, 1993). For today it's enough, but at the next time, I'll write here the reason why we left South Africa, how did that trip went and how was my first days at Portugal... My new country.
Probably nobody will read this until then but... Just in case, if someone does... Thank you and I hope you'll come back for the next text.
Jaky
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